this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Randomize
