Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
