At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
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