mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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