you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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