you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
