i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
