I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
