I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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