weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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