Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
