so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
