Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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