Life is so much better after having sex.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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