woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
