u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
