Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Randomize
