I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
