Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
