am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
