at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
