so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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