There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
