christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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