Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
