I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
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