I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize