I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
