I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
