i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
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