every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
