Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
