Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Randomize
