We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
