I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
