I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
