the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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