with your own penis?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
