dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
