Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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