My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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