I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
