We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
