I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
