fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
