so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
