i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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