On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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