I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
