Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
