i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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