So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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