what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
a search helicopter?!
My ATM looks so different sober.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
