If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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