the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
